Agents of Transformation: Shared Death Experiences Teach Us how to Die Well and Live Better

Are you familiar with the term NDE? Dr. Raymond Moody coined the term Near Death Experience in 1975 as he documented and researched the experiences of patients who returned from being clinically dead. Decades later, Dr. Moody and his siblings gathered at the deathbed of their mother—and experienced a Shared Death Experience (SDE).

Building on Dr. Moody’s work, psychotherapist William Peters is the founder of the Shared Crossing Project whose mission is to positively transform relationships to death and dying through education about shared death experiences and their healing benefits. His new book At Heaven's Door: What Shared Journeys to the Afterlife Teach About Dying Well and Living Better explores inspiring stories of transformative experiences reported by dying persons and their loved ones.

William and his research team interviewed me in 2018, about my 7 shared death experiences, for his Shared Crossing trainings. In my Agents of Transformation interview we each share our own SDEs and how we are working to mature western attitudes about dying and return death back to its rightful place in the cycle of life, as a family- and community-building experience.

You can find William Peter’s book here: https://www.sharedcrossing.com/williampeters

View the Shared Crossing Story Library https://www.sharedcrossing.com/story-library

The topics we discussed are indexed here:

2:30 What put you on the path to researching and understanding shared death experiences?

3:00 William describes his first NDE at 17 4:40 William describes his second NDE at 32, when he realized “I am not my physical body.”

8:13 I describe my first 3 shared death experiences: in 1990 when my mother died, in 1995 when my sister died, in 1997 while my son Logan was on life support after an accident when he told me he wanted to go on.

11:50 William speaks about the benefits of having a SDE,:

  • it contextualizes and reconciles the grief process, allowing a fuller grief process that includes more understanding and meaning

  • you lose your fear of death

  • you gain purpose and meaning

16:45 SDE Adepts: research indicates that if you have one SDE, you are likely to have more.

18:10 William shares research on why some people have SDEs and not others.

20:40 William shares the content of the training he developed. He’s spent the last 10 years training people how to prepare for death and have SDEs.

  • research on shared crossings

  • in-depth life review

  • compassion and self forgiveness

  • for the dying: how to move your consciousness out of the body at death, and call on loved ones to be part of the process

  • for caregivers: how to remain receptive to the “call” from a dying loved one at death

23:30 SDEs are possible even if you are not physically present with your dying loved one. 2/3 of research participants are not present at the deathbed. 25:00 William’s passion and purpose with his work.

25:39 I describe how I prepared myself to have an SDE at my mother’s death, and how I lost my fear of death.

30:30 William describes how releasing fear of death makes the death process easier. Unfinished/unforgiven emotional “stuff” can get in our way.

32:50 The veil that separates this life from what is before and after.

35:50 Strong correlation of good outcomes with mindfulness practices (attunment, yoga, meditation, time in nature)

38:47 William describes the powerful father-son relationship healing he experienced at the deathbed after his father died.

43:35 William describes the “field” of death.

Melody LeBaron