Burned Out and Depressed? Navigating Portals to Healing and Expansion
Summer Solstice 2015, standing between the portal stones that the sunrise illuminates at dawn on summer solstice.
For the past 3 months, I’ve been on a healing journey that has required western and holistic medicine and taken me through pain, depression, and burnout. Oh, yes… and fear.
What I’ve learned definitely falls in the category of “Transforming Self.” If you’ve ever suffered from depression or burnout, or you love someone who has, what helped me might help you, too.
The pain in my hips escalated for months, and finally, a friend recommended I see an orthopedic doctor. In March, I was diagnosed with tendonitis and bursitis. From his perspective, which I did not share, I was now on his conveyor belt from drugs to shots to surgery.
For the next 3 months, improving my health became my new job. In addition to the physical therapy the doctor recommended, I pursued holistic modalities, searching for something to lessen the pain.
I was told I needed to pause my active lifestyle. No yoga, hiking, or daily 2-mile walks. Within days, and coinciding almost precisely with the first anniversary of the pandemic shutdown, I realized I was depressed.
Depressed and… something else that I’d never felt before and couldn’t name.
Until I listened to Brene Brown’s interview with twin sisters Emily and Amelia Nagoski, authors of “Burnout: The Secret to Unlocking the Stress Cycle.” After listening to the interview, I immediately ordered the book and read it in 2 days. I learned that what I was experiencing, but didn’t have the words to describe, is called “burnout.”
How does one know if they suffer from burnout?
Burnout has 3 components and I was experiencing all of them.
Emotional Exhaustion, the fatigue that comes from caring for too much for too long. I’d experienced this one before when caring for my 5 babies—and when caring for my loved ones who were dying.
Decreased Sense of Accomplishment, a sense of futility; feeling that nothing you do makes any difference. Like when I cleaned the house with 4 preschoolers at home.
Depersonalization, the depletion of empathy, caring or compassion. This one was new for me but I recognized that, even when I was with or talking to my loved ones, I no longer felt CONNECTED to them.
The stresses of the pandemic and getting my book published were now compounded by health challenges. There was little doubt that I was in a state of burnout.
Have you ever experienced any or all of these symptoms of burnout? If you are in burnout, you know it’s not easy to cheer yourself up or dig your way out of the hole.
Here’s what I’m doing that is helping me - and I hope it will help you, too.
Refrain from Resisting
We’re wired to resist pain and uncomfortable emotions. So, take a breath and deliberately bring yourself into a state of acceptance. “Uncomfortable as it is, I accept that this is my current reality. I choose not to waste my energy resisting this experience.”
Rest and Hit Pause
I slowed down, and paused all non-essential activity. I’m still working with private clients but I suspended teaching online for a few months. My husband is doing more food prep and housework. I asked a friend to help me plant the garden.
Be “In the Inquiry”
Beginner’s Mind is a beautiful state. So is curiosity. I’ve learned to stay “in the inquiry” of what I might be able to learn, how I might be able to grow and expand, even in difficult moments.
Trust in the Cycles of Life
After 66 years years of paying attention to the cycles of life, I trust that after contraction comes expansion. After fall and winter comes spring and summer. After rest and recuperation comes rejuvenation.
Create Art
Looking back on the biggest challenges in my life, it’s easy now to see that the whole assemblage point of my paradigm was shifting. Chaos tosses me upside down and inside out and none of my answers work. No wonder these times are SO uncomfortable! The best way to flow with the chaos, enhance expansion, and simulate sovereignty is to create art. Put on some music and dance. Draw a stick figure expressing how you feel about the situation. Use colored chalk, pencils or paints to integrate the emotions moving through you. Lately, I’m doing all of these!
I enlarged the outline of this necklace to create this outline I used to make a banner for a friend’s birthday. I’ll share the finished banner in my next post.
Ask for Support
I coach clients who are going through transformations. These are often difficult transitions from an old way of being to a new one. The first thing I ask them to do is to create an Inner Circle of Support. I have them choose 3 to 5 loved ones who are AT LEAST as spiritually and emotionally mature as they are, and ask those loved ones for weekly support during the transition. Since March, I’ve activated my own Inner Circle, and I check in with them regularly. I also ask the nature spirits on my land, the spirit of my home, and my spirit guides and angels for support in this transition.
Move toward Expansion
An old coaching method is to ‘get a vision’ of what you want to create, ‘set small, measurable goals’ in order to move forward. But when we’re in true transformation, we often can’t “see the vision” of who we’ll be at the end, because our entire assemblage point is shifting. So rather than defining (and perhaps limiting) the vision that I’m moving toward, I continue to follow the thread of my desires—and trust that as long as I have the sense of expansion, I’m moving in the right direction. My logical, linear left brain feels blindfolded, but my creative, holistic right brain is happy.
I am in a portal right now, as are many of you. We’re in between an old way of being and doing and a new way. We know that the old ways of coping and dealing with life no longer work. As I practice the skills I describe above, I’m experiencing so much more peace, even in the discomfort.
The pain in my hips isn’t gone yet. I found a lump in my breast in May. The portal opened on this healing journey has not closed, and I am still learning to navigate the terrain. Stay tuned for part 2 of this post, where I’ll share what I’m doing to shrink the lump, create an optimal outcome and keep moving toward expansion, even though I can’t see very far ahead on the path.
Many Blessings, from my heart and home to yours,
Melody Magdalene